This Week In The Coronapocalypse | Bromance

The bromance (as Jane calls it) between me and Bertie happily continues. We’ve had a great week together. Romantic walks, intimate meals, evenings spent curled up on the sofa, and…erm…drinking puddle water and chasing birds1.

Mind you, it’s not easy living with someone who likes to chill by lying on his back, legs apart and testicles on display for all to see. But hey, I think he’s getting used to me.

1. Note to Jane: my days of chasing birds are over

All photos Fujifilm X100F


Prior to this pandemic, thanks to Brexit and the ensuing culture war, Britain has been engulfed in political turmoil for three years. Each day seemed to bring a new political calamity, which was then promptly forgotten when the next one happened 24 hours later. Weeks felt like months, months felt like years. I really regret not keeping a simple note of events as they happened, just so I could look back and try and make some sense of it all.

So during this period I’ve decided to sum up the weekly events that have struck me the most, from the deadly serious to the absurdly ridiculous. If my tone seems flippant at times…well, we all have our own way of getting through this horror.

See all previous updates here

This week in The Coronapocalypse:

  • PM Boris Johnson back to work after recovering from Coronavirus
  • UK records its lowest daily death toll for a month
  • New Zealanders queue for burgers, fries and takeaway coffee after being freed from month-long lockdown
  • Nation holds minute’s silence for key workers who have died
  • Scotland recommends use of non-surgical face masks when in a confined space. England does not.
  • 30 million have sought US unemployment aid since virus hit
  • Huge jump in official death numbers as government includes coronavirus deaths in care homes and the community
  • Number of recorded cases in US exceeds one million
  • 3-10% of UK population may have been infected
  • Flag carrier British Airways announces 12,000 redundancies
  • Boris Johnson and partner Carrie Symonds celebrate birth of baby boy
  • Captain Tom Moore, who raised more than £29m for NHS by walking laps of his garden, celebrates 100th birthday.
  • Sales of condoms down, as social distancing rules limit ‘number of intimate occasions’
  • Ryanair to cut 3,000 jobs and reduce staff pay by up to a fifth
  • Record falls in CO2 emissions
  • Legendary American investor Warren Buffett dumps entire holdings in four major US airlines, warning that “world has changed” for aviation industry
  • US intelligence agencies conclude that the virus was “not manmade or genetically modified”
  • President Trump claims to have evidence coronavirus started in Chinese lab but offers no details
  • Spain’s lockdown, one of the toughest in Europe, slowly eased as adults allowed outside again


Worldwide cases: 3,484,558 (previous week 2,921,556)
Worldwide deaths: 244,786 (previous week 203,299 )
UK cases: 182,260 (previous week 148,377 )
UK deaths: 28,131 (previous week 20,319)

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Chertsey & The War Of The Worlds

When we’re out for our daily walks, Bertie and I see little evidence that Chertsey was almost destroyed by Martians in 1897. The town has put things back together pretty well (although Simpson’s Fried Chicken is still looking a bit worse for wear). Fortunately, local writer Herbert George Wells was on hand back then to document everything:

“Here they are!” shouted a man in a blue jersey. “Yonder! D’yer see them? Yonder!”

Quickly, one after the other, one, two, three, four of the armoured Martians appeared, far away over the little trees, across the flat meadows that stretched towards Chertsey, and striding hurriedly towards the river. Little cowled figures they seemed at first, going with a rolling motion and as fast as flying birds.

Then, advancing obliquely towards us, came a fifth. Their armoured bodies glittered in the sun as they swept swiftly forward upon the guns, growing rapidly larger as they drew nearer. One on the extreme left, the remotest that is, flourished a huge case high in the air, and the ghostly, terrible Heat-Ray I had already seen on Friday night smote towards Chertsey, and struck the town.

These are strange and unprecedented times. As I walk across those same flat meadows, my overactive imagination finds it easy to picture those vast Martian fighting machines stomping across the river, trampling everything in their path.

…higher than many houses, striding over the young pine trees, and smashing them aside in its career; a walking engine of glittering metal, striding now across the heather; articulate ropes of steel dangling from it, and the clattering tumult of its passage mingling with the riot of the thunder.

Chertsey & The War Of The Worlds / Chertsey Meads Meadows / All photos Nikon F100 / Ilford Pan F Plus / Developed in Bellini Foto Eco Film Developer

Chertsey & The War Of The Worlds

Chertsey & The War Of The Worlds

Chertsey & The War Of The Worlds

Chertsey & The War Of The Worlds

Chertsey & The War Of The Worlds

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Chertsey & The War Of The Worlds

Chertsey & The War Of The Worlds

This Week In The Coronapocalypse | Bertie Comes To Stay

I met Jane in the plaza beneath my flat. We sat at opposite ends of a bench like two spies about to hand over state secrets. What we did actually hand over – or more accurately, what ran across the social distance between us – was Bertie.

We had a health scare with Coco at the beginning of the week, resulting in a couple of sleepless nights for us and an operation for her. She’s fine, and is recuperating at home. But what she doesn’t need is Bertie wrestling with her all hours of the day. So now I’m on Puppy Patrol.

This has had an enormously positive impact on my life. The cumulative weeks of insolation were having an effect on me that I wasn’t even admitting to myself. Now I have some company. He’s my Wilson to Tom Hanks’s Castaway. He’s one of the funniest, and certainly the most affectionate dog I’ve ever known, and barely leaves my side for a second.

Being a Working Cocker Spaniel his energy levels are off the scale. This has added some welcome enforced structure and exercise to my current life:

06:00 – 90 minute walk

08:00 – Breakfast for two

08:30 – Work

12:00 – Lunch for two

12:30 – 90 minute walk

14:00 – Work

18:00 – Dinner for two

19:00 – 60 minute walk

20:30 – Fall asleep in front of the telly whilst attempting to watch first episode of box set for the 10th time

I’m just very grateful that social distancing doesn’t extend to dogs.

All photos Fujifilm X100F, Acros Film Simulation


Prior to this pandemic, thanks to Brexit and the ensuing culture war, Britain has been engulfed in political turmoil for three years. Each day seemed to bring a new political calamity, which was then promptly forgotten when the next one happened 24 hours later. Weeks felt like months, months felt like years. I really regret not keeping a simple note of events as they happened, just so I could look back and try and make some sense of it all.

So during this period I’ve decided to sum up the weekly events that have struck me the most, from the deadly serious to the absurdly ridiculous. If my tone seems flippant at times…well, we all have our own way of getting through this horror.

See all previous updates here

This week in The Coronapocalypse:

  • US oil prices go below zero for first time on record
  • Oktoberfest cancelled
  • Denmark bans gatherings of 500+ until September
  • France bans all flights outside the Schengen zone
  • Parliament re-convenes using video conferencing technology
  • President Trump announces plan to suspend immigration to US
  • Government’s chief medical officer says return to normal in short term is ‘wholly unrealistic’
  • UK will need social distancing until at least end of year
  • Oxford University starts first human trials of Covid-19 vaccine
  • In this week’s edition of Don’t Try This At Home, President Trump floats the idea of injecting disinfectant as a treatment for Covid-19
  • Disinfectant & bleach manufacturers issue statements advsing people not to drink their products
  • Government to setup website to roll out mass testing to UK keyworkers
  • Government website runs out of tests within 120 seconds
  • Road traffic levels on the rise again
  • Home Secretry Priti Patel mocked for boasting shoplifting has declined. (clue: shops are closed)
  • 99 Year old veteran Captain Tom Moore becomes oldest person ever to have UK No. 1 hit


Worldwide cases: 2,921,556 (previous week 2,332,471)
Worldwide deaths: 203,299 (previous week 160,784 )
UK cases: 148,377 (previous week 114,217 )
UK deaths: 20,319 (previous week 15,464)

source

This Week In The Coronapocalypse | In An Instant: Yashica Electro 35 CC

You know you’re at the chewing your own arm off stage of the Apocalypse when you have to resort to taking pictures of your own cameras.

This is the Yashica Electro 35CC, smaller sibling (and all the better for it) of Yaschica’s Electro series of 60/70’s rangefinders. Aperture priority auto-exposure, 35mm focal length, f/2.8 lens. Nice.

Yashica Electro 35 CC / Polaroid SX-70 Sonar / Polaroid Originals SX-70 Black & White Film

Yashica 35 CC polaroid


Prior to this pandemic, thanks to Brexit and the ensuing culture war, Britain has been engulfed in political turmoil for three years. Each day seemed to bring a new political calamity, which was then promptly forgotten when the next one happened 24 hours later. Weeks felt like months, months felt like years. I really regret not keeping a simple note of events as they happened, just so I could look back and try and make some sense of it all.

So during this period I’ve decided to sum up the weekly events that have struck me the most, from the deadly serious to the absurdly ridiculous. If my tone seems flippant at times…well, we all have our own way of getting through this horror.

See all previous updates here

This week in The Coronapocalypse:

  • ‘UK likely to be the worst affected country in Europe’ – Government advisor
  • PM Boris Johnson leaves hospital & releases video praising immigrant NHS nurses who saved his life. The same ones who now wouldn’t meet the criteria under the Government’s new immigration policy
  • Queen gives Easter message of hope
  • Malaysian scientists create robot on wheels to make hospital rounds to check on coronavirus patients
  • Italy records lowest number of new infections for a month
  • Trump suspends WHO funding
  • UK economy could shrink by 35% with 2m job losses, warns OBR
  • EU’s medicine regulator estimates it could take one year before coronavirus vaccine available for widespread use
  • 107th Tour de France postponed until August
  • 99-year-old war veteran, Captain Tom Moore, raises £1000, £1M, £10M, £15M, £21M £25M for NHS staff after reaching goal of walking 100 laps of his garden
  • Romanians fly in to help pick British fruit
  • UK Lockdown extended by a least another three weeks
  • Some European countries begin to ease lockdown restrictions
  • Iran announces invention of device that can detect coronavirus at a distance of 100 metres, using a magnetic field and “bipolar virus”.
  • Egged on by Tweeting Trump, 1000’s of protesters armed with MAGA flags and …er… actual arms, defy social distancing and swarm the steps of Michigan’s state capitol to demand end to stay at home orders


Worldwide cases: 2,332,471 (previous week 1,784,331)
Worldwide deaths: 160,784 (previous week 108,962 )
UK cases: 114,217 (previous week 78,991)
UK deaths: 15,464 (previous week 9,875)

source

This Week In The Coronapocalypse | In An Instant: Why The Long Face?

I came across this beautiful and friendly chap on one of my recent expeditions to that dark and mysterious territory known as The Outside.

Chertsey / Polaroid SX-70 Sonar / Polaroid Originals SX-70 Black & White Film

polaroid horse


Prior to this pandemic, thanks to Brexit and the ensuing culture war, Britain has been engulfed in political turmoil for three years. Each day seemed to bring a new political calamity, which was then promptly forgotten when the next one happened 24 hours later. Weeks felt like months, months felt like years. I really regret not keeping a simple note of events as they happened, just so I could look back and try and make some sense of it all.

So during this period I’ve decided to sum up the weekly events that have struck me the most, from the deadly serious to the absurdly ridiculous. If my tone seems flippant at times…well, we all have our own way of getting through this horror.

See all previous updates here

This week in The Coronapocalypse:

  • Scottish Chief Medical Officer resigns for breaching her own social distancing rules after holiday home visits
  • PM Boris Johnson admitted to hospital ‘as a precaution’, having suffered prolonged Covid-19 symptoms
  • Queen gives rousing special address to the nation for only the fifth time in her 68 year reign. Nation heartened
  • Boris Johnson admitted to intensive care as health worsens. Nation deflated
  • Foreign Secretary Dominic Raab apparently now running Government
  • Nobody is really sure who is running Government
  • NHS Nightingale recieves first patients
  • Daily deaths in Italy gradually decreasing
  • Daily deaths in UK significantly increasing
  • No new deaths recorded in China
  • NHS workers put at risk due to lack of PPE. Some use plastic bags
  • Airbnb halts bookings in UK following complaints that hosts have been advertising properties as Covid-19 retreats
  • Chocolate giant Mondelēz (Cadbury and Oreo) repurposes 3D printing technology used for chocolate sculptures to make medical visiors for NHS staff
  • Some NHS workers send children to live with relatives in bid to protect them from Covid-19. It’s the Blitz all over again
  • PM transferred from intensive care to low dependency ward as health improves
  • Massive advertising campaign launched to discourage Brits from going out during the long and sunny Easter weekend
  • US becomes first country to record more than 2000 deaths in one day
  • Images emerge of coffins being buried in mass grave in New York City
  • Daily deaths in Spain gradually decreasing
  • EU agrees €500bn rescue package
  • PM improving and sitting up in bed


Worldwide cases: 1,784,331 (previous week 1,203,109)
Worldwide deaths: 108,962 (previous week 64,743)
UK cases: 78,991 (previous week 41,903)
UK deaths: 9,875 (previous week 4,313 )

source